Sunday, February 13, 2011

W. J. Absher Chapter 2. A Forged Character


The tragic murder of Bill's dad, no doubt, had a dramatic affect on his early life and helped forge  a strong character.  Bill exemplified integrity, strong work ethic, frugality, and empathy for others, especially with those with great needs.  He didn't have time to be an adolescent; with the sudden loss of the family's bread winner he was thrust into a major role of supporting his widowed mother and the young siblings that were still at home.  Most of the older brothers and sisters had left home to provide for their own young families.   He credits his brother Frazier for "keeping us from starving; he had a good job and would send us a check every few days."

Bill was 10 years old when his dad was killed.  Bill was soon the man of the house.  He felt the responsibility of caring for his mother and doing what he could to keep the subsistence farm producing something that they could eat or sell.

Bill grew up hunting, not as a sportsman but as a provider of food for the meager Absher table.  He always spoke of fried squirrel as a delicacy on the Absher table.  When the garden wasn’t in, cornmeal mush might be all that was on the table besides milk and butter that came from their few cows, unless Bill had shot a rabbit or a squirrel.  Their farm flock of chickens produced an occasional Sunday dinner.

The family looked forward to Thanksgiving,  not so much for the holiday but more since that was generally hog killing time.  Butchering was a community activity.  Hogs were fed to get heavy and fat so that there would be sufficient lard and cured meats to last most of the year.  Dressing hogs as a community activity made a lot of sense, since the hair had to be scalded and scraped off the pork carcasses.  Water was heated over a wood fire, and it took a lot of manpower to handle, scrape and hang the big carcasses.  Most farms had their own smoke houses, so the bellies, hams and shoulders were salted and smoked so they could keep for a long time without refrigeration.


The picture of Wm. Absher on his tombstone at his grave
where his remains were moved to in Blacksburg.


Dad seemed to have a relationship with his dad that differed from that of other brothers and sisters.  The grand kids of William and Dallas heard little of their grandfather.  When cousin J. C. began his efforts to get Wm's  remains moved from it's lonely grave to Blacksburg he got the reaction, "If he couldn't stay at home alive, why should he in death?"  The children who were old enough to know what was going on with Wm's  infidelity were probably hurt, angered, and embarrassed.

 But Bill's reaction was different and after most of the sibs death, Bill contributed to the expense of creating a  new grave in the Blacksburg's cemetery.

Bill's memory of his dad were from those of a boy. Wm. was probably estranged from the older
family so the younger William was with his dad a lot when the senior Absher was at home in the McDonald's Mill Community.  Bill remembered helping his dad build a chicken house, staying with him at one of the two houses on the Absher farm. He remembered his dad as a hard working, smart businessman (with a big character flaw.)   He was comforted by a report of a conversation between his dad and the Bradfords before one of his last trips to Tazewell County.  The Bradfords told that Wm. had said he was " through sowing wild oats."

Young William had to learn from  neighbors how to farm.  Bird Bradford was one of his teachers.  He had a team (or pair) of horses.  I say pair because, even though  they were harnessed together,  they worked differently.  The one named Morgan ( probably his breed too) was a hard worker but his team mate Charley was lazy and mischievous.   Dad loved to tell about the pair pulling a wagon: Morgan would be pulling with his traces tight but Charley would stretch out his neck as if he was pulling hard but the traces would be swinging loosely until an authoritative voice called on him.

Dad told another story about Charley's  mischievousness:  The Bradfords heard a pig squealing incessantly. They found Charley standing next to the hog pen, holding a pig off the ground with the pigs ear in his teeth.  Charley had is eyes shut as if to silence the squealing.

Bill also worked with Clarence Shepherd.  Clarence had a farm over on the back road known as the "Bush Place.". Bill shared work with Clarence and learned some "teamster" lessons as well.  He told of hauling a wagon load of newly harvested corn up over Gallion Ridge- or attempting to.  The horses acted like they were trying but the wagon didn't move.  The horses were apparently trying to convince the young driver that the load was too heavy. But when their owner got hold of the lines and called on them, the wagon seemed to move easily.  Bill was a share cropper with Clarence for one third of what he produced of corn , wheat, barley and buckwheat.

Farming was difficult for the young W. J. , not only for his lack of experience but because of the land he had to farm.  Most of the land was on mountain slopes.  The small amount of bottom land along the North Fork of the Roanoke River was subject to spring flooding.  Creed Absher was Bill's next older brother. Creed and Bill were companions on the farm until Creed got a job in town.  Carl Absher, one of Creed's sons currently owns most of the home place.  He identified a rough hillside patch now grown up with Popular trees as what his father had called Bill's corn patch. One can only imagine the labor required to clear the land and cultivate the hillside corn field for what was probably a meager yield.
The home place sits at the base of a mountain with a narrow river bottom in front of it.

The lessons learned by these early hard times made anything but a hard man.  Surviving his difficult teen years gave W.J. the confidence that he could attempt about anything he wanted to do.  When he built the only home he ever owned he was turned down on his first request for a loan.  He ignored that difficulty and got the loan from another bank( Mr. John Kessler, was president) .  Another example of that calm confidence was that W. J. started his own business at the age of 51 after he had been passed over for jobs ( probably because of his age and formal education level).

Bill Absher grew to be a compassionate man.  While manager of Blacksburg Lumber Company and then owner/manager of his own business he gave several men opportunities to work, some for him and some for people he knew that needed help.  He extended credit and made out-of-pocket small personal loans me that probably couldn't get money anywhere else.

After retiring Bill Absher became deeply involved as a trustee at the Blacksburg United Methodist Church, a member of the Lions Club,  and with the Food Pantry.  He used his skills and heart to help people.  He facilitated many maintenance and improvement projects at the church and did many of them himself.  He headed up the effort at BUMC that replace a non-working furnace at the AME church.  He was a lead recruiter and salesman of light bulbs and brooms for the Lion's club.   He was custodian of a special account for the Interfaith Food Pantry and the account seemed to always have enough in it to fill in with food the Pantry needed.  He was know in the pizza parlors around town.  He took surplus or unclaimed pizzas to neighborhoods where they were needed and appreciated.


3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
   bind them around your neck,
   write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Then you will win favor and a good name 
   in the sight of God and man.

Proverbs 3:3,4







Monday, December 6, 2010

Cousins! Cousins! Everywhere there are cousins!

Cousins, there's nothing quite like cousins!

They are built in friends for life!

They are laughter and tears!

They are smiles and hugs!

Cousins, you just can't beat cousins!

Our Last Three Days

I haven't written anything about my last three days with Grandma, because every time I think about those days, I cry. Not just tears that say, "My heart is breaking because I no longer have my Grandma!" but also tears that say, "I was so lucky to have had a Grandma like her!" But those days were precious days and so I will try my best to share them.

When we first got to Blacksburg - around 9:00 o'clock in the evening, Dad called to tell us to come first to the Grandparent's since everyone was awake! My first thought was that I was amazed that Grandaddy was awake, but he was and so I went in to kiss him on his forehead as I have done for years. And he said with a grin, "I hope you didn't leave any lipstick up there!" Of course, having just been riding or driving for the best part of a day, any lipstick that I might have had on was long gone! I then went to Grandma's room to see her and I kissed her too and told her what Grandaddy had said. She said, "He just likes to show off his kisses!" You can be certain; I was never without lipstick for kissing his head the rest of my visit! She told me, "I am awfully spoiled - I wish my sister were here to see it!" - meaning Evelyn, of course!

Later on while I was standing next to Grandma's bed, Mary was asking about Joshua and Matthew and I told her how big they are. Without missing a beat, Grandma looked up at me and said, "I guess they get their height from you!" That has been her standard line for as long as the boys have been taller than me! And then that was always followed by "And how tall is Craig?" or if he was in the room she ask him "How tall are you?" Craig's height has always fascinated her - I guess because he towers over me by so much! Grandma began to get sleepy so I left her to go to the doll house for the night!

The next morning, I went straight to Grandma's bedside, after leaving bright lip prints on Grandaddy's forehead. I found that sitting in the seat of the walker, made me high enough to hold her hand over the railing of the hospital bed that the McPherson's had moved into her room before she came home from the hospital. Every time I took her hand, she said to me, "You have the hottest little hands." It reminded me of how I used to love to hold her hands while growing up and she would rub them and say, "Your hands are so soft, don't ever let them get wrinkled and spotted like mine." Whenever, I look at my hands these days and see the lines, I think of her telling me that all those years ago.

Daddy had the Beyer's cd playing, but it was too much for me, so I changed it to a cd of hymns. After a little while, Grandma said, "Is that Reggie singing?" I said, "I don't know, does Reggie sing?" And she chuckled, "Not much!" Later on, I started reading to her from a book about Grandparents! As often happens, something I read touched me and I started to cry. She said, "You cry so easily, you're just like your Grandaddy!"

When the home health nurse came to bathe her, I went to the living room to sit with Grandaddy for a while. He was telling World War II stories to a friend from church. I just sat and listened. These were stories I had never heard before and I was fascinated. When he told the story of one of the only two deaths by members in his company, he cried. He is such a caring man that 50+ years have not softened the blow of that loss. Amazing. After the man left, I said, "Grandaddy, I had never heard those stories before!" And he said, "Mindy, when I came back from the war, I didn't talk much about what happened. Not because I was ashamed of anything, but because this is my home and I didn't want to bring that war into it." I asked, "What is different now?" And he said, choking on tears, "There aren't many of us left!"

Later on I pulled out my computer to see if the internet signal from Dad's house would reach theirs. Amazingly it did, and so Grandaddy Skyped with Beth. I thought it was so cute when after talking to "Beffy" for a while, he asked if Jonathan was home. Beth said he was and ran up the stairs to find him. Grandaddy said, "Well there she goes!" Jonathan said "Hi Greatdaddy, I love you!" and that was the end of that!

Pastor Reggie came for communion and Grandaddy, Barbara Jean, Daddy and I all gathered around her bed to share it with her. When he was getting ready to leave, he said to Grandma, "I love you!" and she responded, "And, I love people." He said, "No, that's not the response I was looking for, let's try that again. I love you." She responded with a bit of that old twinkle in her eye, "I like you an awful lot." He shook his head and said, 'No, still not right. I LOVE YOU!" To which she said, "And I love you, but I wouldn't want anyone to know it!"

Grandma had several visitors and she was so alert most of that day! Grandaddy also was so well that day. Margaret, Leroy and Lee came to spend some time with her and that was special for her and she really seemed to rally. After going back to the doll house that evening, I called Craig and told him that Grandaddy was the best I had seen him in three years!

The next morning, I followed the pattern of planting a kiss and then going to Grandma's bedside. That day Daddy had Andy Griffin's CD of hymns playing and it seems to be restful for Grandma, so I left it on. I would rub her hands and she drifted in and out of sleep. Every time she nodded off, I would watch her chest to see the rise and fall, it was comforting to me. Sometimes, I would sing or hum quietly along with Andy. She opened her eyes and I told her I was sorry, I didn't mean to wake her. She said, "I wasn't asleep!" (How many times has she said to us over the years, "I'm not asleep, I heard every word!") I said I hoped my singing didn't disturb her since I don't have the best voice, and she said, "That doesn't stop other people from singing, don't let it stop you!"

Later in the morning, I pulled out my computer and got enough signal to pull up Dad's blog. I read to her - the stories that Dad had written about Grandaddy and her. - the story Beth wrote about Grandaddy. - And the stories Anita and I wrote about Mom. Through most of these, I read through tears and sometimes I had to stop to sob. At one point, she said "Your Mom died too young." And I said, "She did Grandma, but she knew you were here to take care of us." She patted my hand and said, "I think you all are big enough to take care of yourselves, now." And so I sobbed some more.

I spent a lot of time talking to her that day, telling her things that I remembered doing with her or for her that were special to me! I talked and she mostly just smiled or patted my hand, sometimes she would have a little response but nothing very lengthy. I talked about how she and I had gotten up at 3:00 am to watch the Royal Wedding. She said, "Why did we get up so early?" and I said, "Because they got married in England and with the time difference we had to get up that early to see it." She replied, "Well, that wasn't very considerate of them!"

Evelyn came to see her and said, "I tell Jean she is so spoiled!" and Grandma said, "And she is right! But I love it!' Evelyn only stayed a short while; she said "I just came to look at her!" I thought that was so sweet!

Sometime that day, Kaye and I were the only ones at the house - Kaye was in Grandma's recliner, sleeping and Grandaddy was sleeping in his. Hearing light snoring coming from the living room, Grandma asked who was at the house. I told her and she said, "Where's Kaye?' and I said, "In there sleeping with Grandaddy." And without missing a beat she said, "Don't tell your Daddy!" I laughed and laughed.

Grandma slept more this day and when she wasn't sleeping she was uncomfortable, not that she complained, she was just fidgety so we would move her pillows or her legs and rub lotion on her skin or sometimes I would just rub her back. She always said, "Now that feels better." Even though I am not sure it did, I think she wanted us to feel like we were easing her discomfort in some small measure. That was just her way.

Throughout my time there, Grandaddy would come in for short little visits or stick his head in the door on the way to or from the bathroom. Whenever I would know he was coming, I would say, "Grandma, your boyfriend is coming to visit!" and she would say, "Well comb my hair" or "Straighten my gown" or some other such preparation. They were always so gentle with each other, Grandaddy always checked her hands whenever he came in and would comment on how cold or warm they were. One time he came in and Janice was standing by the bed feeding ice chips and she said, "Sir Bill, I will move out of the way so you can come talk to your lady." When Grandaddy got to Grandma's side he said, "I don't know what she wanted me to talk about, I just came to say I love you!" Yes, I teared up yet again!

On the morning before I left, I spent a couple more hours with Grandma. I knew this would be my last visit with my grandmother, whose life has had such a profound effect on mine. I didn't want to leave but knew I must. She said, "Thanks for being such a good granddaughter." and I said, "Well, thanks for being my grandma!" "I didn't have any say about that." she replied. "Thanks for being a good grandma!" I answered and she said, "Yes, I had something to do with that!" After I told her I loved her and she had responded appropriately (I didn't even have to coax it out of her like Pastor Reggie!) I was standing at the foot of her bed and said, "I'm leaving Grandma, I love you!" and the last thing she said to me was, "Don't speed!" Yes, my Grandma knew me! "And, that's the truth!"

Saturday, October 2, 2010

William Jessie Absher's special 90th Birthday gift.

Our Dad, Bill Absher, turned 90 on Wednesday 9/29/2010.  Many friends and family let him know how special  his life has been.  I think I know Dad pretty well and I'm sure he did what he thought was right to do and not actions that would bring him praise.  However, Dad, like everyone else, appreciates it when people remember that he did something that made a difference in people's lives.
We were reminded of something that Dad was a part of several years ago by a friend, Pat Berger, who came by the house to wish Dad a Happy Birthday by singing to him.  And then she reminded him of a special memory she held dear.


Pat is an African-American soloist that is often asked to sing at Christian functions around Blacksburg. The time she told us about was several years ago when she had been asked to sing at an Easter Sunrise Service.  The weather was not fit for an outside service, due either to rain or snow.  Thus it was held at the Blacksburg United Methodist Church.  Dad was very active in the BUMC at the time and as he thanked her for singing he followed with a request that at any time her church needed anything to let him know.  She said she just felt like the Lord was talking to her since they had just learned that the furnace had gone out at her historically segregated church.  She shared that with Dad and before long they had heat.  I remember something about him organizing support from BUMC for this project.


I'm sure there are many more stories of how Dad was a part of  meaningful projects.
He led from the side!
I'm always reminded of the phone call Mom made to the church office.  She told the secretary that she had a few jobs at home that she wanted to add to Bill Absher's list.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Memory Garden

One of the great things about family is the memory growing opportunities. This weekend provided fertile ground for memory growth.

There are many moments I will treasure, such as watching Katelyn thoroughly enjoy her first birthday cake, which brought back memories of Kristin’s first cake eating experience – it is a wonder I made it through that one! Being photographed by Kathlyn was a unique experience – while she never said that I wasn’t photogenic, she did require multiple takes to get one she sort of liked! However, I’ve got to appreciate that as long as she deletes the ones she didn’t like, I will always know she was looking out for my best interest!

Other touching moments:

  • seeing Juliana display all of her fashion inspired Silly Bandz on Craig’s leg
  • having Meggen crawl up into my lap just to chat
  • getting big bear hugs and one piece of candy corn from the host with the most, Ian
  • watching all the cousins play together
  • watching the oldest granddaughter and the oldest grandson help the youngest granddaughter tiptoe through the grass so she could feel like she was "playing" with all the other cousins
  • laughing with my sisters
  • celebrating Matthew's thirteenth birthday with his cousins
  • And of course, just being together was great!

I think Anita mentioned that it was fun to be together in the summer and I have to agree. Being together, without having to worry about running off to someone else’s house for a holiday celebration or other obligation was a special treat.

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, sometimes I forget how much fun it was to grow up in a big family. I am glad that every once in a while, at least, my children get to experience big family life while spending time with their aunts, uncles, and cousins, not to mention the grandparents !

Photo credit: Anita Absher Beyer with Kathlyn Rose Beyer's camera

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Birthdays


Celebration # 1 was in Branson , MO with the Beyers, Tim and Sara.

Celebration#2 at home in KY.  The 70 looked right to me.
I had to share #2 with you know who,  the birthday snatcher, Mindy  her family, Nancy, Dan, Roberta and...


And Ian (since we actually celebrated on his birth date).


#3 was in Blacksburg with parents, Karen, Evelyn and Donna Jo.  Barbara Jean left the cake for me and probably selected the special candle.

When you get to be 70 I think it appropriate to celebrate  until you are 71.

Next?



Thursday, July 29, 2010

Barren Co., KY Has Unique Pot Luck (copied)